They say its a 'phase' of life. You grow up. You did - and suddenly you feel like you wished time would stop and you'd go back to where you were - confused, identity less and YOU. Sadly, time's ticked by and you;ve suddenly started to bother about getting your dad a new cell phone rather than changing the themes of your own. Yep time ticked by, and before i knew it - my internship suddenly seemed to carry so much more weightage than all those hugs that waited for me back home..
My folks called, i discussed - my career, my plans, my moves - all of those that led me anything but near them - and they agreed. They encouraged. I think none of us realized how much we missed each other - they were lost in making me who they thought i wanted to be, while i was busy becoming who i think iwant to be. None of it makes sense - but i kept treading along this path of goals, ambitions, success trying to find myself along the way. But the farther i travelled, the deeper the forest became - the tired my soles got, the faster my pulse. But when i stopped to look around, i saw noone behind me. The thrill of getting this far all alone was somehow getting dissolved in the sweat of my run - which left me wondering why isnt there anyone around to hold me as i staggered...
And then as i went along that dark forest, and the meadows got darker, the sun began to set - i kept running and saw this beautiful bonfire - alive with men and women - so many people -each that seemed something like me. They welcomed me, held me, offered me rest for a while and as i sat with them looking at the stars - it became midnight and they offered me to sleep the night. The star faded away as i got up - confused but apparently confident of resuming my run again - I wanted to cross this forest to be the other end - hoping ,dreaming - that is where lies my destiny and that is where ill finally rest. Perhaps buy my folks happiness. And myself - incidentally.
And so the fun ends and i begin to pace again - sweating staggering. No there is no end. Am still walking that forest, sometimes scared, sometimes fascinated...but forever wondering how come noone followed me from that bonfire just to know where i was headed? Did noone that i spoke to wondered who i really was beyond what i told them to be? Does it strike nobody that i could be staring at a star that never was? Walking a forest that has no end?
I keep looking back as i walk - i never stop. But i see noone. And so i walk alone. Moments pass, memories haunt - i smile, i sing, i stagger , i sigh.. and i go on. Running to reach the other end - awaiting my destiny the other end - not knowing which way will lead me to it, not knowing, perhaps it is my journey that is my destiny and there is no other end. And so i keep looking back, to see if someone followed me - without a question, without a sound..if someone cared to Really know me after they knew me all.
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'My first step...shall be to lose the way. '
My folks called, i discussed - my career, my plans, my moves - all of those that led me anything but near them - and they agreed. They encouraged. I think none of us realized how much we missed each other - they were lost in making me who they thought i wanted to be, while i was busy becoming who i think iwant to be. None of it makes sense - but i kept treading along this path of goals, ambitions, success trying to find myself along the way. But the farther i travelled, the deeper the forest became - the tired my soles got, the faster my pulse. But when i stopped to look around, i saw noone behind me. The thrill of getting this far all alone was somehow getting dissolved in the sweat of my run - which left me wondering why isnt there anyone around to hold me as i staggered...
And then as i went along that dark forest, and the meadows got darker, the sun began to set - i kept running and saw this beautiful bonfire - alive with men and women - so many people -each that seemed something like me. They welcomed me, held me, offered me rest for a while and as i sat with them looking at the stars - it became midnight and they offered me to sleep the night. The star faded away as i got up - confused but apparently confident of resuming my run again - I wanted to cross this forest to be the other end - hoping ,dreaming - that is where lies my destiny and that is where ill finally rest. Perhaps buy my folks happiness. And myself - incidentally.
And so the fun ends and i begin to pace again - sweating staggering. No there is no end. Am still walking that forest, sometimes scared, sometimes fascinated...but forever wondering how come noone followed me from that bonfire just to know where i was headed? Did noone that i spoke to wondered who i really was beyond what i told them to be? Does it strike nobody that i could be staring at a star that never was? Walking a forest that has no end?
I keep looking back as i walk - i never stop. But i see noone. And so i walk alone. Moments pass, memories haunt - i smile, i sing, i stagger , i sigh.. and i go on. Running to reach the other end - awaiting my destiny the other end - not knowing which way will lead me to it, not knowing, perhaps it is my journey that is my destiny and there is no other end. And so i keep looking back, to see if someone followed me - without a question, without a sound..if someone cared to Really know me after they knew me all.
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'My first step...shall be to lose the way. '
2 comments:
Absolute truth.. was thinkng on the same lines last day and seeing it reflected here seems so coincidental.. The farther i traveled, the deeper the forest became... YES... the whole truth encompassed in a single line.. the thrill, I fear, may get dissolved. Pray I balance everything in between this passionate run..
simple, but great depth in your train of thought (second paragraph)
Very intense and questioning...thoughtfull yet rankling enough to make one stop and admire whats around than to just run through it..
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